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Question: how do you find your happy self in a situation that’s breaking your heart?

After my father died, I returned home because my mother would be alone. All our family -  siblings, cousins, aunties , uncles, had migrated to the lands of hope and glory, maple syrup, deer and antelope. I felt as though I were rewinding my life. 

Scenes flashed by in my mind as the plane flew away from the jewel of the Caribbean, bye-bye blue ocean, beaches, cafés, breathtaking views from restaurants on cool, mist-draped mountainsides, friends, a job in the creative field.

 

Hello broke-up, mash-up, peel-up country, the second poorest in the Caribbean. I’ve heard it was The Poorest at one time. 

I was returning just after elections. The second election after almost 30 years of no democracy. Over the phone, my mother had told me what to expect. Political turmoil, burning, looting. I was terrified of the drive home from the airport. It was a long, dark, lonely drive. Every type of “what if” spiraled within me. 

Yet, I learned to love home again. 

(You can read more stories here: neena maiya emails

Now to answer my question about finding my happy self...one way I coped with my grief: I went on a massive cleaning spree (not that our home was dirty).

I used good ol' fashioned elbow grease, soap and bleach. Yes. Gasp. (Show shocked blue face here.) It took me a few years to discover Mr. Clean. 

Anyway, back to the question again... how do we find our happy selves? More to come later...